


Blank

by cleveradjective



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: M/M, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, hahah ok well everyones a drama queen, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleveradjective/pseuds/cleveradjective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wall you're staring at is blank, but your mind isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blank

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY off of the DS. Chapter edited.  
> I'm thinking about making this a multi-chapter fic. You cool w/ that??

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG]

TG: yo what's up dude

CG: NO, GO AWAY STRIDER. NOT DEALING WITH YOUR SHIT TODAY.

TG: what

TG: what the fuck man whats going on

CG: SORRY. IM JUST KIND OF TIRED.

TG: is that why you werent at school today dude

TG: because thats really fucking stupid

CG: YEAH WELL SORRY THAT YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN BRAIN IS SO HELL-BENT ON MAKING ME MISERABLE.

CG: I JUST. I DIDNT FEEL LIKE GOING. SORRY THAT YOU GOT WORRIED OVER NOTHING.

TG: whoa man back it up a bit

TG: also youre human too so you have no your brain is pretty much the same

TG: besides your shit attitude yo shape your shit up

TG: nah im joking your bitchiness is part of the charm you should keep it

CG: WELL, IM GLAD TO KNOW THAT YOU FIND ME TO BE "BITCHY".

CG: I'LL MAKE SURE TO BITCH TO YOU WHENEVER POSSIBLE SO THAT YOU CAN JUST REVEL IN THE GLORY THAT IS ME. I AM YOUR NEW GOD, DAVE, SO YOU HAD BEST BE PREPARED FOR ALL OF THE TERRIBLE CHALLENGES I AM GOING TO PUT IN FRONT OF YOU. RIGHT NOW, I ORDER YOU TO GO CHOKE ON A STEAMING PILE OF DOG SHIT.

TG: wow you sure know how to talk a lady up karkat

TG: im literally swooning right now

TG: anyways peace

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: BYE, DAVE.

CG: HEY, WILL YOU TELL EVERYONE GOODBYE FOR ME?

CG: I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU GUYS AGAIN AFTER THIS. SORRY. I JUST CANT LET THINGS WEIGH ON MY MIND LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW? NOTHING IS LIKE IT USED TO, BECAUSE ALL OF YOU FORGOT. TELL GAMZEE TO KEEP HIS SHIT IN LIKE, STRIDER. AND JUST. UGH. IM SORRY. BYE. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead {TG]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: wait what

TG: oh SHIT

TG: dont you dare fucking do a thing oh my god shit are you serious right now

TG: oh course youre fucking serious youd never joke about this fuck

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum!

TG: FUCK

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

* * *

 

You stare at a blank wall.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and that was one of the most difficult conversations you've ever had in your lives.

Other high up on the list would be telling your friends your blood color when you were all trolls. Another would be admitting to Terezi that you loved her a few years back, which was embarrassing as all hell. As you type you reply, tears fall down your cheeks, because you're planning on doing it tonight. You can't stand lying to him, but you can't

You hate that you're doing this again, this stupid, selfish act. But there's an itch. An itch under your stupid pink human skin that you can never seem to satisfy. Sometimes it builds up, sometimes it feels so _strong_ and you can't do it. Or, more like, you can't _not_ do it. It's like a disease that slowly spreads through you, this itch. And you need to be satisfied.

Sometimes it's a burn. Sometimes, when you think of all the mistakes you'd made, all of the years you waited, just to die, it burns, and god, it almost _hurts_. It never hurts as much as what you do to it, though.

You do it because you remember. You remember the friendships, the pity, the hate... You remember Alternia, and the game, and sometimes it burns. Sometimes you just want to fall apart, sometimes you want to tear out your insides, and sometimes, you rip yourself to shreds. The thought of that last one makes you sick. It makes you burn in the pit of your stomach. You remember.

And sometimes, you want a blank slate. A clear mind. Blank. You hate the game. You hate what happened. You hate that you were such an awful friend, and you wish you could say sorry. You wish that you could apologize, for not being there, for being a terrible leader, but they don't remember.

They have blank minds. Blank eyes that are disgusting and awful and beautifully human. They aren't your real friends anymore: They're blank. They're all human now, and so are you, and you hate it. You hate it so much.

You've come to hate things a lot more.

You're opening a drawer, telling yourself that /no/, you are not going to do it.

You pull out the blade, whispering, 'No, I won't.'

You bring the razor to your skin, telling yourself to stop, stop, stop, over and over again like a mantra, because you know that today is the day that you're going to do it. 

When you push down, when you finally break the skin, this stupid pink human skin, you're crying. You're sobbing as you see red droplets dribbling down, falling onto the white tile beneath you. You're sniveling and disgusting as you cut yourself, as you maul this stupid body with this stupid blade.

You remember when your arms were blank. When you really believed that you could deal with this bullshit. When you were 'born' as a human grub, and when you grew. Blank arms. Blanks pages of a book, having yet to be filled with stories of pain and misfortune. Pain, mostly.

When it was blank. When you met everyone, for the second time. When you had to leave that kindergarten class to sob in the bathroom. Because they didn't remember you, or the game, or anything. You remember all the time you spent getting to know them again. And you hate yourself for thinking that everything would be fine. Everything would be fine.

You're tired. You feel dizzy, probably because of all the blood you're losing. You mumble to yourself, and your ears are ringing so loud that you don't hear your apartment door slam open, and a string of curses that fly from a certain blonde's mouth. You're already blacked out.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and things are not fine

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. Comment please, and kudos. Thanks!


End file.
